We all know that life isn’t smooth sailing, right? It has its highs and lows. Some days feel like a stroll in the park, and other days… well, you’re stuck in a storm without an umbrella. And sometimes, it’s not even your storm — it’s a family member’s crisis, and you’re right there, caught in the whirlwind with them. Maybe it’s your sibling going through a messy breakup, a parent facing a health scare, or a cousin battling addiction. These moments can be tough, but how we show up in those times matters deeply.
Let’s dig into how to deal when a family member is in crisis. If you’ve ever felt helpless or unsure about what to say or do, this one’s for you. I’ll share what’s worked for me (and what hasn’t!) in hopes it’ll help you navigate these emotional waters with a little more grace, compassion, and peace of mind.
First: Take a Breath. Literally.
One of the most important things I’ve learned when someone I love is going through a crisis is to pause and breathe. Seriously. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reacted out of panic, wanting to “fix” things immediately. But here’s the truth: not every situation can be fixed, and definitely not overnight. What your family member might need most is for you to be calm, grounded, and present.
When my brother was going through a rough patch a few years ago, my first instinct was to jump in and offer every piece of advice under the sun. But instead of helping, I was overwhelming him. One night, after a particularly stressful phone call, I remembered something my yoga teacher said: “The breath is a gift. Use it.” I spent five minutes doing some deep belly breathing, and when I called him back, I was able to listen with more patience and without feeling like I had to save the day.
Key takeaway: Before rushing in, take a moment to center yourself. Your calm energy can set the tone for the entire conversation.
Don’t Forget: It’s Not About You
When a family member is in crisis, emotions are high, and it’s easy to get swept into the drama of it all. But remember, as hard as it is to see them in pain, it’s their experience. It can be tempting to relate their struggle to something you’ve been through or to unintentionally make it about how you’re affected by their situation.
I remember when my mom was dealing with a health issue, I kept thinking about how scared I was. I wanted her to reassure me that she was going to be okay, but that was unfair. It wasn’t my place to expect that from her. What she really needed was for me to show up with compassion and simply be there, not needing anything in return.
Key takeaway: As much as possible, resist the urge to make it about you. Be there for them, and save your processing for later — with a friend, therapist, or journal.
Listen More, Talk Less
Sometimes, when a family member is in crisis, they don’t need advice. What they need is someone who will truly listen to them. And I don’t mean the kind of listening where you’re just waiting for your turn to talk — I’m talking about deep listening. This is one of the most powerful tools you can offer.
Think about it. Have you ever been in a tough spot and found that just venting to a friend made you feel a million times better, even though they didn’t offer any advice? It’s because being truly heard is healing in itself.
When my cousin went through a painful divorce, I used to try to offer solutions to her problems. But one day she called me, not for advice, but just to talk. I decided to stay quiet for most of the conversation, only nodding and giving her space. After about 45 minutes of listening, she actually thanked me and said, “I don’t know why, but I feel lighter.”
That was a lightbulb moment for me. Sometimes, people don’t need answers; they just need a safe space to speak.
Key takeaway: Practice the art of listening. Let them pour out their feelings, knowing they’re not alone in the struggle.
Set Healthy Boundaries (Without the Guilt)
This might be the toughest part of supporting a family member in crisis. We want to be there for them, but there’s a fine line between being supportive and sacrificing your own well-being. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you love them any less; it simply means you’re also taking care of yourself in the process.
When my dad was struggling with anxiety a few years back, I was constantly checking in on him, to the point where I was drained. I had to learn that it’s okay to say, “Hey Dad, I love you, but I need some space today. I’ll check in tomorrow.” And guess what? He was fine with it! He even respected me more for taking care of my own emotional health. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a step back. You’re no good to anyone if you’re running on empty.
Key takeaway: Don’t be afraid to set limits on what you can offer, and don’t feel guilty about it. Your mental health matters too.
Offer Practical Help (But Ask First)
We often think of emotional support first, but sometimes the best way to help is through practical, tangible action. Can you run an errand for them? Cook a meal? Watch their kids for a couple of hours? While these acts might seem small, they can be a lifeline for someone overwhelmed by their crisis.
But — and this is key — make sure to ask before jumping in. Sometimes, our well-intentioned help can come off as overbearing if it’s not exactly what the person needs. When my best friend was grieving the loss of her father, I immediately wanted to send over meals. Instead, I asked her what she needed most, and she actually requested help with walking her dog, something I wouldn’t have thought of! Offering support in the way they need it most can make all the difference.
Key takeaway: Practical help is often as valuable as emotional support. Just make sure to ask before assuming what they need.
Know When It’s Time to Call in the Pros
There’s only so much you can do as a family member. Sometimes, the best way to support someone is to encourage them to seek professional help, whether that’s therapy, medical attention, or a support group. This is especially true in cases involving addiction, severe mental health crises, or chronic illness.
It can be tricky to suggest professional help, but if you approach it with compassion and concern, it doesn’t have to be a confrontational conversation. You can say something like, “I love you and I’m here for you, but I think talking to a professional could really help.” Remind them there’s no shame in getting extra support.
When my aunt was struggling with depression, we gently encouraged her to speak with a counselor. She was hesitant at first, but once she started, it became a crucial part of her healing. You can be there for them emotionally, but professionals are trained to help in ways we aren’t.
Key takeaway: Sometimes, the best support you can give is pointing them toward professional help.
Take Care of You (Yes, You!)
While it’s important to be there for your family member, don’t forget that you need support too. Whether that’s through friends, therapy, or even just some dedicated “me time,” self-care is crucial when you’re helping someone else through a crisis.
I learned this the hard way when I burnt out after months of helping my brother with his mental health issues. I had neglected my own emotional needs, and it led to exhaustion. Only when I started setting aside time for yoga, journaling, and spending time with friends did I begin to feel like myself again.
Key takeaway: You matter too. Take the time to recharge so that you can continue to support your loved one without losing yourself in the process.
Supporting a family member through a crisis is no easy task, but with a mix of compassion, boundaries, and a little practical help, you can be their rock while also maintaining your own balance. Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers — just being there, listening, and showing love can make all the difference.
